


You see everything you wish you had and it's right there, in front of you

by FanTitan



Series: Smiling through the pain [5]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, M/M, Song fic, Yes Jared is good at math because I say so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-12 14:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11739246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanTitan/pseuds/FanTitan
Summary: Part 5 of the Smiling through the pain seriesJared attempts to talk to Evan and ends up talking to Connor





	You see everything you wish you had and it's right there, in front of you

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ OTHER PARTS OF SEIRES BEFORE READING THIS
> 
> I do not own the Dear Evan Hansen characters they belong to their creators.

 

The last month had been the worst month in Jared’s existence. Ever since he had a fall out with Evan he had been completely and utterly alone. Immediately, Zoe and Alana took Evans side and Jared was pretty much exiled from the group.

He had been picked on more than usual by both his peers and parents. But the thing that hurt the most, was how his absence didn’t seem to effect Evan. All Jared could feel was hate towards Connor. He blamed everything on Connor. Connor had ruined everything. He had taken away all Jared had. Jared had truly believed that Evan would feel the same way he did. They had been friends for years and had gone through so much together. But now, he couldn't face Evan. He never had someone who looked at him the way Evan and Connor looked at each other. 

 

Jared now was sitting on his bed debating whether or not to send Evan a text. Evan would most likely ignore it anyways.... Jared took a deep breath before he began to type.

_Draft_

To: Evan

Hey Evan...I know that last thing you would want to do at the moment would be talking to me and...I don't blame you. 

I acted like a jerk and it was uncalled for. I wanted to say that I am sorry. I am sorry for saying all those things and I

didn't mean any of it. You don't drag me down if anything, I do that to you. The truth is that I love you and...I lashed

out when I found out you were with Connor and gave him the attention I wanted. I am sorry. You don't have to forgive 

me I just want you to know you are amazing and smart and the best thing that has ever happened to me. Connor is

lucky to have you. I'm sorry Evan. For everything. 

 

 

Now if only he had the guts to send it. 

\--------

Jared spent the next day at school alone (like he had been for a month). He sat in math class staring blankly at his textbook tuning out the teacher. " _Why can't I just tell him that I am sorry? I could fix_ everything. He shared math with Evan and Connor. He could just go up to them after class and apologize. 

 "Jared, can you tell me the answer?" Jared directed  his gaze to the teacher. She had a math problem on the board and Jared assumed that she wanted him to answer it. Jared stared at the problem and realized he didn't care. "I don't know." He said simply. She looked at him hard. "Well, come up here and try to figure it out." Jared got up from his seat and walked to the front of the classroom. He tried to ignored the stares he could feel on his back, but his thoughts became too loud.  _Everyone hates you Jared. No one likes you. Even your parents hate you. Your such a disappointment. You are stupid. You can't even do anything_ right. He felt like he was drowning. _"_ 15.68"  Jared said writing it up on the board. The teacher nodded satisfied. "That is correct, nice work."

 

Jared sat back down at his desk. He was sure a couple of people noticed how he almost had a panic attack. He looked down at his textbook once again and thanked the gods that he got it right. 

\--

 At the end of the day he made his way to the front doors of the school. As soon as he walked out he noticed a group of boys starting to approach him from the corner of his eye. "Hey nerd, where do you think your going?" One of them called out.  _shit._ He was not ready to face those boys. "Hey Jared!" That voice belonged to Connor. 

Connor ran up to him and Jared noticed the group of boys stop in their tracks. Connor looked over at the boys and glared. "Are they bothering you?" He asked. "No, no we were just leaving so..." The boys left in fear. "What do you want Murphy?" "That's all I get?" Connor asked, no real anger or offense in his voice. "I just wanted to make sure that you are okay."

"Why do you care?" Connor looked at him for a moment before dragging him over to the side of the school, where there were no people. "Look, I know about your fight with Evan. I heard Evan's side of the story but haven't heard your's and I don't truly, wether you believe me or not, think that you are an asshole. I just want to know, why?"

Could Jared really trust Connor? Could he really trust someone he hated, someone who had made his life awful? Right now, he could no longer care about all of that. He knew it was unfair to blame it on Connor. Connor was just in love with Evan too and had the guts to ask him out. Jared could not be mad a Connor for being happy. Jared explained everything. From the start. From the first moment he met Evan to that second. By the end of it, his gaze was on the floor. He did not want to see Connors face.

He was shocked when Connor pulled him into a hug. "Jared I-I'm sorry. I didn't know." Jared shook his head, tears now flowing from his eyes. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's. I can't force someone to love me. I need to fix the damage that I have done." Connor tightened his arms around Jared. They stayed like that until Jared realized he was hugging Connor Murphy and pulled away. 

"Look, I am happy for you. Just treat him well okay?" Jared asked. Connor nodded. "I will." Jared nodded and turned around and began the journey home.

\---

 Jared stared at his phone once again that night.

Before he drifted to sleep he pushed Send.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to try and update daily. I also wanted to say that there is only going to be one more part to this series. BUT I am going to have new content from DEH and BMC.  
> Thank you SO much for reading :)  
> Feedback is welcome


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